When I'm feeling a little bit cynical, I usually tell people the Chilean "yes" is really a "no" or just a massive lie. But being cynical or not, the Chilean "yes" most certainly does not mean what my "yes" means.
Case and point: yesterday I was going to meet up with a potential private student. By going to, I mean that we had spoken the Friday before and decided he would come by the apartment after his work day ended around 6 or 6:30. Super. I said I would call if there were a problem. So, Monday rolls around, I make sure I'm home, get my materials together and I wait. Ah, silly gringa. Never wait! I waited, slowly becoming more anxious that he just wasn't going to show and that I would miss the Aeroboxing class I so desperately wanted to go to at the gym. Now I know I really should have turned off my gringaness and packed on my chileno sense and just called the man right then and there. But I waited. Fortunately, by 7:30 I came to my senses and thought, DUH Emita, call him! So he answered, totally relaxed, ah yes, ok, let me call you back in a few minutes. Ok sure. He calls back, is right now ok for you? I said yes, wincing as I knew I was saying good bye to my gym class, but realizing I really needed this job. Everything turned out fine, and I tell this story not because it was particularly painful or a hard lesson to learn, but that somehow, after all this time, I still fall into the trap of thinking with my gringa sense. When one agrees to a time and place, that agreement is in fact true, a solid yes, and if I need something to be confirmed I say just that.
It's a different story here, my friends. It might seem a little backwards at first, but when someone says, hey let's get together! And you say, sweet! How about tomorrow? And they answer, ok, yeah! That DOES NOT mean you are going to get together tomorrow. Confused? I know. Now think about the fact that this applies to everything, not just informal social engagements. How do people run businesses like this? I have no idea! I can't tell fact from fiction! And boy does it cause a conundrum in relationships. Sometimes, just to make things less complicated, I ask D, "Now is that a Chilean yes or a gringo yes?" I realize this isn't an exactly fair comparison, Chilean with gringo, and I'm leaving out a lot of important cultural nuances, but it's what I've got to work with, so I'm sticking to it.
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7 comments:
I had problems with this last week! I had plans to hang out with two different Chilean friends and they both they ended up not being able to get together. Though I must say, at some level, I realized that both yes's were more like maybes. But generally when I make plans with friends here, first we'll conceive the plan, then make it, and then I generally call to confirm the day before or the day of the plan. And just this week I realized that I have to begin to distinguish when "yes" means "maybe", like using a sixth sense. Oh and sometimes we'll make plans a few times and several sets of plans fall through for one reason or another (sometimes I cancel too), but eventually we do get together. I suppose sometimes its a question of persistence.
On our first date I told Rodolfo to get there at 11pm en punto. He called around 11:05, while I was still on my way, wondering where I was - I'd taken the relaxed Chilean approach, and he'd made sure to get there right on time! Sometimes I use the system by not feeling bad if I flake, but overall I try to just be really clear with people if something is like 100% for sure or if we're just probably going to do it. Still manages to annoy me sometimes though, I will always be a gringa!
That happened to me too. Vuko arrived like 20 minutes early to pick me up for our first date and I was conversing with my neighbor Andoni. Vuko had to wait while I changed, because I was so not ready. I was going to shower, but that plan was foiled. Andoni was interested in meeting my date anyway, and I was happy to get his perspective later. Vuko was aprobado. You never know in a different culture...
I feel like there must be slight cultural cues that the Chileans know how to read and that we just miss out on...which is why we can't grasp when yes really is yes!
Aww, and you guys all had first dates, that's so cute! I'm jealous! S. and I just had 10,000 first parties, never real dates. We never even started "pololeando" either, we jut got married :)
this is brilliant. you've put a name to a concept i've thought was true.
i'm sure I will be posting on this issue again, though hopefully not too often - it seems one can complain too much - but i'm glad to hear the experiences you ladies have had! I'm sure there are a ton of innocent gringas with funny first date experiences!
and kyle, you never were "la polola"? just the esposa? Badass.
cavils in chile - great to meet you! I've been checking out your blog, great title by the way :)
Hi emita -
I've just gotten the chance to check out your blog. What a great topic! It is the same here in Brazil. Yes = maybe...or maybe not, but certainly not yes!
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